The Light and Ryuk Case
by Saki75
Summary: Parody set in an alternate version of Death Note where Light quits being Kira early on due to his love for Shinigami Ryuk. The Kira case isn't over yet however as the second Kira is soon to appear.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note: credit to my Ojou-Sama for contribution to this chapter.  
**

* * *

Light stroked the apple, gently caressing its smooth skin before biting in.

"The last apple, Ryuk" Light said, smirking before taking another bite.

"You're gonna eat it?" Ryuk asked.

"Well, maybe I'll leave you the core" Light said, dragging his tongue slowly along the apple before tossing it to Ryuk.

Ryuk ate it quickly, juice slowly dripping from his mouth.

"You know Ryuk, that was an indirect kiss" Light said, grinning

"R- Really?" Ryuk said his eyes widening

"Yeah. Now I'm really in the mood to read some magazines. Come on, Ryuk."

* * *

The Kira killings had stopped. The killer of Misa Amane's parents was among the last to die of a sudden heart attack. A month passed and there were no new victims. The Kira case was already being forgotten by many.

* * *

Misa lay on her bed feeling depressed. Kira had been her saviour, she was prepared to worship him like a god but now he was gone. Could Kira actually just have been a disease that had now run its course? "It can't be" she cried out loud. Tears streamed down her face. It was on this night, when she was feeling at her lowest, that the shinigami Rem came to her, delivering a black notebook, and telling her the truth about Kira.

"I knew it" she yelled "Kira is real... Kira is a person... but why isn't Kira killing anymore?"

And so, that night, Misa devised the plan that would lead to her meeting Kira.

* * *

"L Sir, you haven't been eating much lately" Watari said " We only have one more empty freezer left so we won't be able to store much more ice cream"

L sighed. "Well, just cancel the deliveries"

"L Sir, this is wrong, you haven't had any cases since..."

"Exactly" L interrupted "Actually I've been feeling depressed. I've never failed to solve a case before now. Maybe I should just pick my successor and retire."

"L sir"

"Oh and Watari, please stop calling me sir"

"Sorry. Just thought it might cheer you up"

* * *

"Light, can you help me with my biology homework?" Sayu said, walking into Light's room.

"whoa , knock before coming in" Light said throwing the covers over the bed and sitting on it.

"Huh... are you hiding dirty magazines again" Sayu said.

She ran over to the bed and tried to pull the covers off. Light tried to push her away but she had a firm grip. She fell down, bringing the covers with her and the magazine that Light had been trying to hide landed right in front of her. "This is..." She said flipping through it.

"Hey it's just for research" light said, attempting to take it off her but failing.

"Eww, liar, I'm telling mum and dad" she yelled, running out of the room, still holding the magazine.

"Damn, I can't have any one finding out about this" Light said, burying his face in his palms. "Ryuk, I think my sister might have a bit of an accident today."

Light sat in front of the black notebook. It had been a month since the last name had been written, but here he was about to kill his sister. He couldn't do it.

* * *

Half an hour later, he was still sitting there when his sister came back, knocking on his door.

"Light, if you help me with my biology homework I won't tell anyone."

"No damn you, I won't allow you to blackmail me" light shouted and in anger wrote down her name.

"Brother please"

"No, now go for a walk or something"

"Huh, why would I do that? It's dark outside and ..." she stopped in the middle of the sentence "actually, I need some fresh air" she said. Her voice was gloomy, just like Naomi Misora's had been when Light had written her name in the notebook.

"Ryuk, I wrote that she takes the magazine with her and it gets destroyed in the accident. So we have nothing to worry about. Still it's a shame to be losing those great images."

"Yeah. I'll miss the one with the apples most. But what about your sister. She was kinda cute" Ryuk said.

"Ryuk! You're not on that side of the fence are you? That's not even legal!" Light shouted

"Huh, I meant cute like a kitten"

"Oh. That's ok I suppose. Now let's play some Mario Party. I'll be Princess Peach" Light said.

"Hmm, Yoshi" Ryuk said.


	2. Chapter 2

Wammy House, England.

"Ok children, special announcement from L today" Roger said, propping a laptop up on the front of the desk, displaying the L symbol.

"Ok children, I have a very special announcement to make" the synthetic voice of L said "umm, Roger please set up the web cam so I can see the children"

"Right, L Sir" Roger said, plugging the webcam in and setting it up.

"Ok. The guy who looks like a white version of me is Near right? Hmm, he was a likely candidate but he looks about eight. Way to young. Who is that girly guy?" L said.

"L Sir that is Mello" Roger replied.

"Ok. He looks interesting. He's eating chocolate. I like that so I'm gonna choose him."

"Right L Sir, choose him for what"

"Well, I'm retiring. Mello will be the new L from now on."

"L Sir, is this some kind of joke."

"No. Make arrangements for Mello to be sent to Japan immediately. Watari will meet him there."

* * *

Later, In Mello's room.

"Matt dear, I have some very exciting news" Mello said, pulling his clothes on.

"Oh what is it Melly" Matt said, pulling his socks up.

"I'm the new L, Matt dear. That Near kid didn't stand a chance. So tomorrow were going to Japan"

"Oh, Melly you know what this means. I'll be able to get the newest games months early!" Matt said, quivering with excitement.

Then there was a knock on the door.

"Oh please do get that Matt dear" Mellow said

"Ok Melly" Matt said, getting up to answer the door. It was Near, who stood there looking up expectantly.

"Umm, is Mello here?" Near said.

"Oh it's that Near kid" Matt called back to Mello.

"Umm, I was just wondering if you guys would take me with you to Japan. I would go myself but I've never made travel arrangements on my own" Near said, fiddling with his hair.

"No way" Matt said, slamming the door in his face.

"Oh Matt Dear now that that's out of the way, let's play some Mario Party. I'll be Princess Peach" Mello Said.

"I'm Yoshi" Matt said

* * *

"13 year old Sayu Yagami dies in traffic explosion" was the headlining news article the next day.

Police Chief Soichiro Yagami retired early due to his daughter's death and the police force were left needing a new leader.

They decided to have a vote. Aizawa was convinced he would win. After all he was the hardest worker out of them. Most people had elected to not be included in the vote so it was just Aizawa vs. Matsuda. That idiot doesn't stand a chance, he thought.

He was soon to be proven wrong however when the results showed that Matsuda had actually been chosen. Maybe he was more likeable. Or maybe the other officers just saw it as an opportunity to slack off.


	3. Chapter 3

A week later. The breaking news came. Kira has returned.

Since Matsuda had become the head of the Japanese police force, everyone except Aizawa agreed that it had become much more fun. It had only been six days and they were having their third party. Matsuda proved to be more intelligent than he looked. He managed to get away with doing nothing but partying by making sure that all of the guests were Yakuza members and arresting them once the party was over. It was during one of these parties, when all the guests died that they realised Kira was back.

"Contact L immediately" Matsuda shouted.

"You do it. You're in charge" said Aizawa, who had been sulking in a corner for the last six days.

"Right" Matsuda said, taking out his cell phone and calling the number he had been given to contact Watari. The phone rang for nearly a minute before being answered by a sleepy Watari.

"L, its three thirty in the morning." Watari said.

"This isn't L, Matsuda here, we need to meet L right away" Matsuda said, in his usual excited voice.

"I'm afraid that's not possible" Watari replied.

"Watari this is urgent, Kira is back!"

"Hmm, I guess I must tell you then. Actually L has retired. The successor he has chosen is a real mean guy. The first thing he did was fire me" Watari said.

"Ok, I'm going to the HQ now" Matsuda said, jumping off the balcony and landing in a dumpster, which cushioned his fall.

* * *

"Oh Melly, you make all my dreams come true" Matt said, pulling his trousers on.

The doorbell rang.

"Oh, who could possibly visit us out here? Not that damn Near kid for sure." Mello said, giggling "Matt Dear, please do get that. I'm not wearing any clothes see." Five minutes later matt returned.

"Mello, you better get some clothes on, this seems pretty important." Matt said.

"Ok Matt." Mello said.

* * *

"Well Ryuk, looks like I win again" Light said, holding the grey Nintendo 64 controller up in triumph.

"Hey Light, there's something I've been meaning to ask you" Ryuk said, dropping his yellow controller to the ground.

"What is it Ryuk"

"Why is her name Princess Peach and not Princess Apple"

"Well Ryuk, that's just how it is. Not everyone prefers apples"

"Light. Your friends have come to visit." Light's mum called up from the hallway.

"Friends? Ryuk, you are my only friend you know" Light muttered on the way out of his room.

Matt and Mello stood waiting outside the door.

"I've heard that you met old L once. Well I'm the new L" Mello said, munching on a bar of chocolate. "We need you to come and investigate with us. You are a suspect so you have no choice."

"Investigate what?" Light said

"Haven't you heard? Kira is back." Mello said.

* * *

Near sat alone on the plane. He had managed to persuade Roger to organise some flights for him, but he still had to overcome his fear of travelling on his own. When he had heard that Kira was back, he decided he couldn't bear to let Mello win. And so, he would be heading to Japan soon, but first he was on his way to California. There, he was to head to a prison, were he would meet the famous killer, Beyond Birthday.


	4. Chapter 4

Light ran. Although they looked exciting, if he went with Matt and Mello he wouldn't be able to spend time alone with Ryuk. And there was also the chance that they would find out that he had been Kira before he had fallen in love and realised he didn't need to kill people, he just needed Ryuk.

"Ok Matt. Arrest him!" Mello yelled. "Matsuda, I will call you Suda from now. Anyway, Suda, search his bedroom."

Matsuda, who had been sat in Mello's car waiting got out and followed this order.

"No stop this" Light screamed as he was being dragged to the car by Matt.

* * *

"Light, since you tried to escape we're gonna have to take measures to ensure you stay with us" Mello said. Light who was tied to an office chair stared silently at the floor.

"Your right hand will be chained to me and your left hand will be chained to Matt." Mello said, grinning.

"This is gonna be fun." Matt said, laughing.

* * *

Near stood in front of the cell, were Beyond Birthday was being kept. BB had been terribly scarred by the self inflicted burn wounds from the LA BB murder case. He had no hair and only had one working eye.

"BB, I need you to investigate the Kira case with me." Near said "Since you are a serial killer, you could be killed at any time while Kira is still out there."

"You think I fear death? I should be dead already" BB said. He was sitting in the corner of the cell and this was the first time he had actually acknowledged Near's presence.

"Well, if you solve the Kira case with me, you will get your chance to surpass L. Isn't that what you wanted?"

* * *

"Wait you have Mario Party? I play that with Ryuk all the time." Light said.

"Who's Ryuk" Matt said

"Huh, just a friend" Light said, suddenly flustered.

"That's an unusual name. I'll get Suda to look this friend up. He could be an accomplice after all" Mello said.

"Well, let's play Mario Party. Who's your favourite character Light" Matt said

"Um, I usually play as... uh Donkey Kong" Light said.

"Liar, you always choose Peach" Ryuk said.

"Great! I'm Yoshi. Mello is Peach!" Matt said, Picking up his controller and setting the game up.

* * *

About half way through the game they were interrupted by the sound of caramelldansen. It was Mello's ring tone. Matsuda was calling to report on his findings from searching Light's room.

"There's a bit of a problem. I decided to smash a draw open just for fun and for some reason it burst into flames. Now the Yagami house hold is burning down." Matsuda reported. "And another thing, Light had some interesting magazines hidden in his room. I put them in my evidence briefcase so I'll show you later."

"Great work Suda. Now please search for a person named Ryuk and bring him over here right away." Mello said.


	5. Chapter 5

"Oh, so you're on that side of the fence Light" Mello said, flipping through the magazines that Matsuda had brought.

"No... You're wrong. It's just for research" Light shouted before breaking down into tears

"Hey, you're not the only one here" Matt said, stroking Light's arm.

"Hmm, what about you Suda" Mello said.

"Well, I saw some pictures of Light's sister. She looked pretty cool." Matsuda replied.

"Matsuda you idiot! That's not even legal!" Light shouted.

"Huh, I meant cool like a ninja."

"Oh. That's ok I suppose" Light said calming down.

"Anyway back to work" Mello said "Suda, did you find Ryuk yet?"

"No. I was too shocked about the whole draw bursting into flames thing to do any more work"

"Light you know this makes you more suspect. Why did you have a bomb in your draw" Mello said

"It wasn't a bomb" Light shouted.

"Aha, but you admit you had something in there to make it burst into fire, maybe to burn hidden evidence?" Mello said "Suda go back to the house and search the ruins were the draw was"

It's a good thing I started hiding the Death Note in my underwear, if it had burnt Ryuk might have disappeared back to the shinigami realm, Light thought.

* * *

"Light, my research shows that there is no person called Ryuk in the whole of Japan." Mello said, spinning around to face Light. "Oh and Matt, please stop stroking Light's hair."

"But it's so soft! Mello you should shampoo more often" Matt said.

"Huh, you hypocrite. You didn't wash for a whole month when the last Pokémon game came out." Mello said. "Anyway Light, this can only mean one thing... you have imaginary friends"

* * *

The next day.

"Mello I just got back from Light's house there was nothing but ash." Matsuda said.

"Well that's not important. We've already figured out that Light is insane" Mello said.

"Guys, there's something you should check out. Look at the latest Kira killings" Matt said.

Kira had wiped out the entire population of a prison, but that wasn't all. Before they died, the very worst criminals in the building had all carved words into they're foreheads.

"It's a message" Matsuda shouted

* * *

The message was this- "I am new Kira. If you are old Kira please meet at McDonalds today from about 5PM. I will know who you are just from seeing you. Just act normal and get some food."

"How do we know which McDonalds it is?" Mello asked

"Easy" Matt said "If we look up the criminal who has the word McDonalds carved on his forehead. He was arrested for armed robbery and murder in a McDonalds. We just have to go to that specific one"

"Oh Matt you are a genius" Mello said.

"Light we will un-cuff you for this and to make sure you don't run we're gonna put a remote controlled bomb watch on you. Disobey our orders and we won't hesitate to blow you up." Matt said.


	6. Chapter 6

And so the team stood outside McDonalds.

"Ok Light, just get me a chocolate milkshake" Mello said

"I'll have a happy meal" Matt said. He was excited to see they were giving away Sonic toys with them.

"I'll have chicken nuggets" Matsuda said

Light walked in. The queue was long. He looked around nervously, wondering where Kira could be hiding.

* * *

"That guy over there" BB said pointing at Light "I told you about my shinigami eye, that guy is different, I can't see his life span"

"Ok BB, I've never been in a fight before so I'm gonna need your help. Let's take him down" Near said, standing up. BB walked ahead of Near and when he got to Light hit him with a surprise kick to the stomach. Light fell to the floor gasping for air.

"You're under arrest, Kira" Near said.

* * *

"Hey, what's going on in there" Mello said.

"It's that damn Near kid, he's stealing our prisoner" Matt yelled

"Suda arrest them both when they come out. After all, that Near kid has no right to arrest people" Mello said.

* * *

Ryuk looked down at Light in horror. His life span was nearing its end. He had to do something fast or Light would die here. Ryuk took his own Death Note out and wrote down BB and Near's names. Then he watched them falling down as he crumbled away to dust.

* * *

"What the hell Kira killed them?" Mello said

"Well that's the end of that damn Near kid at least." Matt said. "Let's all put paper bags on our heads. It seems Kira can kill without a name so we'll have to hide our faces now"

* * *

"No Ryuk" light screamed, crawling over to the pile of ashes and picking up Ryuk's notebook. "Why Ryuk, why did this happen" he said through tears. A crowd now stood around Light and the bodies on the floor. "I can't go on without you" Light yelled. He took a pen out of his pocket, and wrote his own name in the Death Note.

* * *

Matt, Mello and Matsuda walked in wearing Paper McDonalds bags with eyeholes, just in time to see Light taking his final breath.

"Huh, Kira killed Light too?" Matsuda said

Mello picked up the notebook, and read the rules.

"Looks like he killed himself. And this is the secret to Kira's power" Mello said, holding the notebook out so the others could see. "There's still another Kira in here somewhere, search everyone"

* * *

"Stupid trains, I'm an hour late" Misa said, approaching the McDonalds. "Huh, it's closed? Well that sucks, it says open twenty four hours on the sign. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to meet old Kira another time." She said and went home.

* * *

And so, they searched everyone who was in the McDonald but never found the second Kira. Misa got home and saw the news about Light Yagami, the first Kira's death. She decided being Kira was too risky and burnt her notebook. Matt and Mello kept the two notebooks- the one Ryuk had dropped, and the one they later found in Light's underwear locked away in a safe. And so although it hadn't been fully resolved, the Kira case was over.

* * *

After events

L- After retiring, L became a famous author of detective novels. He lived happily alone in his new mansion and hired Watari as a butler.

Matt and Mello- They got married and had three kids. They continued working as the new L with Matsuda, and the three of them became known as the great detective "MMM".

Misa- became a famous movie star. Unfortunately, she died young because of the shinigami eye deal.

Light's parents- Soichiro and Sachiko Yagami moved to England where they adopted a British kid.

RIP- Sayu, Near, BB, Ryuk, Light


End file.
